Note: I’m out of town so Alyson Archer attended the meeting. Here’s her fabulous write-up. —Erik

UNPATRIOTIC NOISE AND OTHER STUFF
The owner of The Patriot at 110 Chambers St. was invited to attend the meeting and was told that neighbors are complaining about underage drinking and the trouble that goes along with that including outdoor urinating, vomiting, defecating and “other acts that are not conducive to good community relations.”  The owner has hired new security guards who are checking IDs and agreed to work directly with one of the neighbors to remedy the situation.  Everyone seemed pleased… NEXT!

GOODBYE COLUMBINE?!
Pete Townsend sold his building at 1 White Street this summer and the new owner is leasing the first two floors (where Columbine currently operates) to a company owned by the woman who is also leasing the third and fourth floors where she now lives. (Are you following this?  It took me a few minutes—and now it gets more interesting…) And while she is not related to the owner of the building, that may change in the future. (You can connect the dots.) Anyway, this attractive woman was requesting a liquor license for a new restaurant, which will serve “vegetarian food, but not exclusively. The focus will be food.  This is not intended to be a bar.” But wait! What of Columbine?!  What about the the “hidden mosque” 200 feet away?  (This was discussed for some time, but doesn’t seem to be an issue since it isn’t exclusively a place of worship.) What about all of those years Pete Townsend wasted opposing liquor licenses in and around this very building? What about the dozen local residents who signed a petition against the new restaurant? The fetching woman said she would be creating 30 new jobs. When a board member pointed out that her application said “6 jobs” she said, “Yes, that’s right, but there are three shifts.” (I wasn’t a math major, but 6×3=30?) But then she smiled and agreed to close at 1 a.m. on weekends and at midnight on weekdays and the committee voted 5–1 to approve. NEXT!

MEN OF THE MISSING APPLICATION
The owners of a new restaurant called “Men of Invention” at 75 Murray Street were there to apply for a liquor license, but they forgot the application… NEXT!

A BAR BY ANY OTHER NAME…
The owner of Pelea Mexicana at 6 York, which opened two days ago and was previously Bar Artisanal, applied to turn the restaurant’s 300 square foot take-out service space into another bar area from which the north side of the restaurant and the hotel can be serviced. Approved by a vote of 6–1. NEXT!

WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME
Teddy, the affable and lovable owner of the Square Diner, showed up to apply for… I think it was regarding redoing the outdoor seating. But I couldn’t hear him clearly because everyone was gushing over him. Someone asked if there was paperwork, and someone else quickly replied, “It’s Ted!” And with that, whatever it was that he wanted was approved unanimously. NEXT!

NO ON CANAL
An application to put a free-standing newsstand at the corner of Broadway and Canal Street was opposed by a vote of 5–2. NEXT!

YES ON GREENWICH
But on the corner of Greenwich and Murray Streets, an application to put a newsstand was approved despite the disapproving comments by a pinstripe-wearing real estate developer from the complex where Whole Foods and Barnes & Noble operate. Approved 6-0. NEXT!

ONE MORE TIME…
Try as they might, the men of Men of Invention could not invent a persuasive enough reason to convince the board to approve their application for a liquor license without an application. The board was explaining why they could not do that as I left. EXIT!