J. wrote: “I’m being told by dog park acquaintances that someone put poisoned meatballs in the dog run at West Street and Thames this week. Any chance this is real? It’s making the rounds in the local moms group chats.”

J. and I had some fun with this, since of course, the idea is ludicrous. I figured a dog probably threw up, which started the rumor, and J. said: “They eat just anything so that tracks.”

And the final word from the Nick Sbordone, the Battery Park City Authority director of communications: “I can confirm that on the afternoon of Thursday, February 22, the BPC Command Center received a report about “poisonous meatballs” in the West Thames Dog Run. Our Parks Operations team responded directly for cleanup and found zero meatballs, poisonous or otherwise. We’ve followed up with the original complainant to advise accordingly.”

And for future reference:
“Battery Park City residents and visitors can always report quality-of-life issues to our Command Center, which is available on a 24/7/365 basis by phone (212) 945-7233, email (bpcallied@bpca.by.gov), or in-person at the 200 Rector Place. For emergencies, folks should of course immediately call 911.”